8 Funny Random Tweets

8 Funny Random Tweets

relationship tweets

Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious 


if you drink the blue liquid from the magic 8 ball, you can see the future, trust me, my friend Keith did once and said he was going to die and then he did. 

Wife: someone invented a laundry folding machine

me: I already have one of those its called aw

wife: death glare

me: it called me 

Daughter, Daddy how much of this meatballs is meat?

Me: Probably like 90%

D: so its 10% balls?

me: spits out food



Roses are red 

violets are blue

its the middle of February

and I don’t have time for you 

relationship tweets

wife: I’m making veggie burgers.

me: ok [pick up the phone]

wife: who are you calling?

me: florist 

wife: why? 

Me: I’ve obviously wronged you somehow. 


1300s : I’m dying from the black plague 

1800s : im 9 and working in a factory 

1900s : I’m off to fight in a war 

2000s : I’m offended 

funny tweets
nothing is better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughters eyes, whispering, I cant do this.

What do you think?

10 Points

Cosplay fail

You Wont Believe your eyes When you see this Freaky Body builder