8 Funny Random Tweets
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
if you drink the blue liquid from the magic 8 ball, you can see the future, trust me, my friend Keith did once and said he was going to die and then he did.
Wife: someone invented a laundry folding machine
me: I already have one of those its called aw
wife: death glare
me: it called me
Daughter, Daddy how much of this meatballs is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: so its 10% balls?
me: spits out food
Roses are red
violets are blue
its the middle of February
and I don’t have time for you
wife: I’m making veggie burgers.
me: ok [pick up the phone]
wife: who are you calling?
Me: I’ve obviously wronged you somehow.
1300s : I’m dying from the black plague
1800s : im 9 and working in a factory
1900s : I’m off to fight in a war
2000s : I’m offended